When I was ten years old I started noticing that I was different from other people around me. Girls and boys were just starting to notice each other, flirt, play kissing games and other such things. Girls made their Barbies get married and have children. I never had any interest in those things. I would rather play in the dirt and scrape up my knees than play with dolls. And when other girls started turning their attention to boys, I started turning my attention to girls. When I was eleven I had my first girlfriend, C. We kept quiet about it, we were both christian and from christian families, but at that time we didn't even know it was wrong. It was just instinct that kept us in secret. We knew we were different.
It was a sweet relationship, innocent, with hugs, holding hands, and kisses on the cheek as signs of affection. We went to church with each other and had sleep overs at the same time. A friend of ours got jealous and told her parents - who informed ours. I don't know about C, but I had never been more scared in my entire life at that point. My father was furious. My friend was crying, so was I. I remember her parents threatening her and I had told her to blame it on me, I loved her and didn't want her to get hurt. She did - I don't regret it. I'm not angry at her, we were both scared children. I never saw her again after that.
The next months were filled with many traumatizing incidents, constantly being told how 'sick' I was and what a sinner I was, being told that it was wrong and evil for me to love someone that I was attracted to. Filled with me writing down things to put in our prayer box for the pastor to pray over me. Filled with many, many meetings with the pastor and elders praying over me to "cure" me. I didn't understand what was so wrong. God is Love, right? Why would he hate someone because they love someone else? I guess I still don't understand.
When I was in high school I had my first boyfriend. I hated it when he kissed me, but my parents had started acting weird around then. I was so afraid they would find out I still liked girls. We dated for a month and then it ended. Needless to say, I never cried once. From then on all of my boyfriends were online. I could care for and love a guy as long as I didn't have to deal with him touching me. I think the hardest thing... was my friend Brittany. She was a lesbian, very out of the closet, and had a crush on me. I had a crush on her too - it was so hard to keep pretending I was straight and I honestly think she knew. But she also knew I was christian so while she flirted with me - it was always playful. I'm thankful for that, for her kindness.
When I was eighteen I met someone who changed my life - for the better and for the worst. He was the first guy I had ever been sexually attracted to. We ended up dating, and he was the one who made me understand that if I denied who I really was, I would stay miserable. He gave me the courage to come out to my parents. Although, by then I could honestly come out as Bi-sexual rather than Lesbian. I was (and am) definitely more attracted to women than men, but still am attracted to some men. The worst doesn't need to be talked about because it has nothing to do with this.
Every time I come across a post here about homosexuality I am appalled. Some christians really do see being gay as being an unforgivable sin. Yet - in the bible it says the only unforgivable sin is rejecting Jesus. Every other sin is put on the same level - from lying to stealing to murder. Sin is sin in God's eyes. It doesn't matter what you do, everyone is a sinner.
Some people bring up Sodom and Gomorrah. Homosexuality was NOT the main reason for God destroying those damned cities. These people were rampant sexual deviants, they had sex with anything and everything - including animals, relatives and children. It was common practice to rape people who would travel through the town and sometimes murder them. Sex was practiced in the open and with no modesty.There was also high amounts of crime, worshiping many pagan gods, and no real justice or law. Many of the cults there openly practiced prostitution, and it is believed that most, if not all, of the sexual deviancies were practiced because of cult or religious practice. It was a part of their culture - their way of life. You really think that out of ALL of these things, fucking Homosexuality (which, if they practiced these things for religious worship of their pagan gods - and not out of love - I don't consider it homosexuality to begin with) was the reason this place got destroyed? Seriously?
Why do people - especially Christians, who are told to love their neighbor and their enemy - hate us? Why do we have less rights than 'normal' people? Why is it that if I had gotten a girlfriend and brought her to church (back when I still attended), we would have been kicked out?
Why is it that they would rather let an ex-con become a preacher, than accept someone who is gay? So what, is being a homosexual now worse than being a murderer, drug dealer, or thief?
I'm sick of the hate, I'm sick of the intolerance. I'm sick of reading comments on how disgusting it is. To them it doesn't even matter if the couple doesn't have sex. If they love someone of the same sex it has to be wrong.
God is supposed to be Love. He is supposed to love every single person, regardless of their sin. Because I know damned well that just because you are a christian doesn't make you better than a normal person. It doesn't mean you are less of a sinner than they are. I used to be a christian and I know I was a horrible person - regardless of my romantic preferences. I know my best friend who was not a believer was a much better person than I was. Being christian does not make you perfect. Just because your sins are forgiven doesn't put you on a pedestal. It doesn't give you the right to judge other people based on ANYTHING. Not their actions, their sexual preference, their thoughts, NOTHING. It is God's job to judge them. Not yours.
Please, stop the hate. Stop the intolerance. Start realizing that you are only making things worse, you are making it so that people who might want to believe wont because all they see are a bunch of bigots and vipers, ready to lash out at the smallest wrong. And don't you dare tell me that I cannot say these things just because I am who I am. I grew up christian, I have been baptized and I know that I am a sinner. But so are you. Just because I choose not to go to church and not to align myself with a religion that preaches hate all too many times, does not make me less of a person or less of a believer than you. God judges what is in the heart - not what is on the outside. Besides. I don't think that homosexuality is a sin. Maybe sexually acting upon it is - but then again, people who have sex outside of marriage are committing a sin. We are no worse than you and you are no better than us.
Please. Stop the Hate. Stop the intolerance, the bashing. Stop trying to drive us away from what could be our salvation. Stop trying to take away the rights that everyone else has. We are not less than anyone else.
Just stop it.
(I do understand that not all Christians are like this - but sadly the
majority are. This is speaking to them and not the kind, tolerant, and
loving christians who accept homosexuals as regular people.)
~Marina Katie Linsley
True
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